- Relational Wisdom | Ken Sande | Biblical Emotional Intelligence | Peacemaking | Institute Christian Conciliation | Reconciliation - https://rw360.org -

The SOG Plan

Do you know an impulsive teenager? A frustrated wife? A detached husband? A resentful employee? A contentious church member? A relationally clumsy pastor? If so, read on.

Six years ago I developed a relational tool called “the SOG plan” as an alternative to selling my teenage daughter.

Meg 200 [1]When Megan hit fifteen, her emotions went into hyper-drive. Her limbic system (the emotional part of the brain) was fully wired. But as is the case with all of us, her prefrontal cortex (the rational part of the brain) would not finish developing for another decade.

That’s right, the brain continues to physically change until our mid-twenties, and the part that restrains impulsive behavior develops last! Combine this typical teenage imbalance with original sin, and you have a child whose life is often characterized by self-absorption, careless decisions, rash words, and clashes with mom and dad.

Wanting to help Megan learn how to control her emotions and impulses, I developed a strategy called “the SOG Plan,” which stands for being:

This simple acronym was not a panacea. But as Megan and the rest of our family developed the habit of channeling our thoughts, emotions, and actions through this grid, our relationships steadily improved.

We found that the best way to implement the SOG Plan was to develop the habit of asking ourselves the following types of questions.

Self-aware: How am I feeling and acting? More specifically …

Other-aware: How am I affecting others? More specifically …

God-aware: How is God involved? More specifically …

These questions have many variations. The point is that we always need to be thinking three-dimensionally, to be self-aware, other-aware, and, most-importantly, God-aware.

This is the essence of relational wisdom. It works for impulsive teens like my daughter, who is now twenty-one, thriving spiritually, relationally, and academically, and glad to have me share her story.

By God’s grace, it can also work for you and me. At home, in the workplace, and at church. However frustrated, detached, resentful, or relationally clumsy we or others might be at times, God can use something as simple as a SOG Plan to steadily transform our lives and relationships.

– Ken Sande

Reflection questions:

To learn more about how to apply the SOG plan in your life, visit Discover Relational Wisdom [2].

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.

© 2013 Ken Sande

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