Discover Relational Wisdom

Welcome to relational wisdom!

We are honored that you’ve decided to visit our website and join us in exploring and practicing the life-changing relational principles God has gifted to us through his Word.

As you’ll see, relational wisdom is so simple that a ten-year-old child can understand it, and yet so profound that adults can spend the rest of their lives plumbing its depths.

To start you on your journey of discovery, we have provided nine linked articles that introduce you to the foundational principles of relational wisdom. We encourage you to read them in order, but you should feel free to use the “Relational Wisdom” drop-down tab above to jump to a topic that is of immediate interest to you.

We hope that you will visit our site often and take advantage of all the resources we’ve designed to help you grow in your ability to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbors as yourself!


Ken and Corlette Sande


Why do some people seem to have closer and more enduring friendships and marriages than others?

Why do they perform so well in the workplace and advance so quickly in their careers?

How do they maintain such a close and influential connection with their children and relatives?

Why do they seem to have less conflict, and when it does arise, why are they so good at resolving it quickly and completely?

Most importantly, why do they have such a relaxed and appealing Christian witness?

A Better Kind of Smart

Well, it’s seldom because they’ve got a higher IQ than others. Studies have consistently shown that high intelligence quotients do not automatically translate into success at home or in the workplace.

There is another kind of smart, however, that correlates strongly with success in all aspects of life. The Bible calls it “wisdom,” and God promises great blessings to those who pursue it earnestly.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom,
and the one who gets understanding,
for the gain from her is better than gain from silver
and her profit better than gold.
She is more precious than jewels,
and nothing you desire can compare with her.
Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her;
those who hold her fast are called blessed.
Proverbs 3:13-18

Proverbs 4:7-8 puts it even more succinctly: “Get wisdom. Prize her highly and she will exalt you.”

God’s wisdom can be applied to all aspects of life, including money management, physical health, sexuality, politics, families, friendships and employment. Having spent thirty years reconciling people estranged by conflict, I’ve been particularly interested in the principles of wisdom that apply to relationships in the home, church, and workplace.

I call this group of principles relational wisdom®, or simply RW. These timeless concepts can improve every aspect of our lives.

RW Definition and Paradigm

Relational wisdom®, in essence, is the desire and ability to live out Jesus’ two Great Commandments, namely, to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matt. 22:37-39).

Relational wisdom may also be defined as your ability to discern emotions, interests and abilities in yourself and others, to interpret this information in the light of God’s Word, and to use these insights to manage your responses and relationships successfully.

As you learn these skills, you can experience stronger relationships and less conflict at home, at church, and in the workplace, as well as improved team-building, better job performance and a more credible witness for Christ.

The Bible’s teaching on relational wisdom can be organized in terms of six core skills or disciplines that are grouped into three pairs. One pair focuses on how we relate to God, another on how we relate to ourselves, and the third on how we relate to others.

Each of these three pairs has an “awareness” component (what we see and understand), and an “engaging” component (what we do and say). These skill sets may be described in the following terms:

  • God-aware, God-engaging
  • Self-aware, Self-engaging
  • Other-aware, Other-engaging

These six skills are closely linked and reinforce one another in a circular direction (thus the “360” in our ministry name). The better we know and follow God (God-aware, God-engaging), the more we will know and discipline ourselves (self-aware, self-engaging), which opens the way for us to better understand, relate to and serve our neighbors (other-aware, other-engaging).

To close the loop and spur us on developing relational wisdom, the Lord promises that the more we obey his command to love our neighbors, the closer we will draw to God himself (John 14:21-23). Thus, relational wisdom is a circle of interrelated skills that continually fuel one another.

To see a “values-based” version of this paradigm, which is designed for use in secular settings, please visit

Skills Defined

As we will see in the Biblical Foundation section, the Bible teaches extensively on each of these six skills. Of course it does not use expressions like “God-aware” or God-engaging.” Instead, it uses words like remember, faithful, humble, disciplined, compassionate, and serve. This teaching can be summarized in the following definitions and synonyms for each of the six core skills of relational wisdom.

God-awareness (remember) is the ability to view all of life in the light of God’s character, works and promises.

God-engagement (faithfulness) is the ability to trust, obey and imitate God in a way that pleases and honors him.

Self-awareness (humility) is the ability to discern your own identity, emotions, thoughts, values, interests and abilities.

Self-engagement (discipline) is the ability to manage your thoughts, emotions, words and actions so that they advance God’s purposes.

Other-awareness (compassion) is the ability to understand and empathize with the experiences, emotions, values and interests of others.

Other-engagement (service) is the ability to love, encourage, serve and resolve differences with others in a mutually beneficial way.

Inside, Outside

These definitions describe the biblical ideal for each skill. When we walk close to God and draw steadily on his grace, we are able to live inside the circle of relational wisdom. This generally results in peaceful and fulfilling relationships with the Lord and the people around us.

But if we ignore God and decline his grace, we are living outside the circle of relational wisdom. Instead of remembering God, we forget him. Instead of being faithful, we are fickle. We become proud instead of humble, indulgent rather than disciplined, insensitive instead of compassionate, and manipulative rather than serving.

The Good News of the Gospel

The good news is that even though we often fail in our relationship with God and others, God has secured a path for our full restoration. He sent his Son to pay the price for our sins on the cross, and he is pleased to forgive those who believe that Jesus died for their salvation and was resurrected to give them new life (Acts 10:43).

When we put our trust in Jesus, he delights to draw us back into the circle of his love and give us grace to reconcile and to relate to one another in ways that reflect his compassion, kindness, humility and patience (2Cor. 5:17; Col. 3:12-15; RW and the Gospel).

–Ken Sande