As pastor Kent drove home from our peacemaking training, he had no idea how quickly his new skills would be put to the test.
He had barely walked through the door when his wife informed him about a conflict that was dividing their small town. Three high school football players had been suspended from the team for attending a kegger. Their families insisted that the boys had been falsely accused and threatened to file lawsuits to clear their names and restore them to the team.
This was no minor conflict. This was high school football in Texas, which is practically a religion. Word traveled fast, and the town was already dividing over the scandal.
After describing the crisis to her husband, Kent’s wife said, “Well, what are you going to do about this?”
“This isn’t my battle!” he protested. “I pastor our church, not our high school.”
“But you just completed peacemaker training,” she responded. “If anyone in town has the skills to resolve this, it’s you. Besides, aren’t we supposed to be seen as the peacemakers in our community?
How could he argue with that?
Gulping hard to overcome his doubts and fears, Kent called the principal of the high school and hesitantly asked if he might be of some help in resolving the situation. To his surprise, the principal asked him to come to the school as soon as possible.
When Kent met with the principal and the football coach, he could see that they were deeply troubled. They had just learned that there was proof that the three players were nowhere near the kegger. These two men had acted precipitously, and now they were struggling to find a way out of the scandal they had created.
Drawing on his recent training, Kent asked, “Have you considered simply admitting that you were wrong and asking for the boys’ forgiveness?” Seeing the apprehensive look on their faces, Kent realized they needed a clear path forward. So, he handed them a Peacemaking Principles pamphlet and explained the “Seven A’s of Confession.”
The men saw the wisdom in Kent’s advice, but they were still reluctant to admit their wrongs. Wanting to keep the ball rolling, Kent offered to reach out to the players’ families to see if they were open to a meeting. The principal had no good alternatives, so he gave Kent the families’ names and phone numbers.
When Kent met with the players and their parents that evening, he could see that they were still angry about the school’s false accusations and unjust suspension, so he gave them time to express their thoughts and emotions. As they did so, he was silently praying, “God, please show me what I can do to soften their hearts and get them to be open to reconciliation?”
God answered that prayer by moving Kent to start a line of questions he had not thought of before the meeting.
“So, if I understand the situation, you have proof that you were nowhere near the kegger that night, correct?”
“Absolutely!”
“Why do you think the school found it so easy to believe a false report that you were at the kegger?”
“We have no idea. They were probably just out to get us.”
“Have you attended other keggers before this one?”
Awkward silence. Shifting glances.
“Well, have you attended other keggers?” he asked with a gentle voice.
“Yea, I guess so.”
“How many?”
“I don’t know. Not many.”
“How many?”
“Just a few.”
“What is ‘just a few.’ One, two or more?”
More silence. Then “more.”
Not wanting to back them too far into a corner, Kent shifted his questions.
“So, is it possible that the three of you have developed a reputation for attending keggers?”
“I suppose so.”
“Can you see how that made it easy for the school to believe the report that you attended this particular kegger, even though you were not actually there?”
“Yea, I guess so.”
“So, in a way, your past behavior helped to set the stage for this misunderstanding, didn’t it?”
As the Holy Spirit worked through Kent’s gentle questioning, the anger in the room dissipated, and the boys and their parents listened quietly as he eventually explained the “Seven A’s of Confession” to them just as he had to the principal and the coach.
When they all met together the next day, the coach led the way by admitting that he was wrong to believe the false report about the boys, and he sincerely apologized for how he had embarrassed them and their families. The principal offered a similar confession and explained a new policy he was implementing to verify future accusations before acting on them. Neither of them offered any excuses for their actions.
At that point, the “Golden Result” kicked in (i.e., people tend to treat us the way we treat them). The three boys competed to be the first to admit that their past behavior set the stage for the school to believe the accusations against them. Their parents joined in by apologizing for escalating the situation by threatening legal action.
Tensions evaporated, smiles grew and before long the coach was wrapping his arms around three young football players all at the same time. They all agreed to forgive past offenses (including the boys’ attendance at previous keggers) and start over with a clean slate. Once they were all reconciled, it didn’t take long for Kent to help them draft a public statement that captured the essence of their confessions, celebrated their reconciliation and laid the scandal to rest.
Three nights later, those boys ran onto the field with their teammates, as the bleachers shook with the yells, applause and stomping feet of their supporters. Kent could hardly hold back the tears as he stood with the crowd, quietly saying, “Thank you, Lord,” over and over again.
When Kent stepped into his pulpit the next morning, he noticed a lot of new faces filling the pews. Word of his role as a peacemaker had spread more rapidly than word of the scandal had spread a few days earlier. And now God, in his grace, was bringing in a harvest.
….
When pastor Kent told me this story afterwards, he admitted he was trembling with fear and doubt when he called the principal to offer his help. But those feelings were steadily replaced by a growing sense of confidence as he applied his training and saw how grateful the parties were for his guidance.
Kent ended his story with these delightful words …
“I’m grateful for all the ways God worked through me to restore peace and draw people to our church, but I have to admit that one of the greatest highs of the whole experience came when I told my wife about the reconciliation meeting. She walked around the kitchen counter, gave me a big hug and said, ‘My relational hero!’ It sure is nice to be your wife’s hero!”
….
If you would like to learn how to be a “relational hero” to your family, church or community, please register today for one of the 30 remaining seats at RW360’s Relational Wisdom Summit, which is scheduled for June 12-14 in Billings, Montana.
Our world needs more men and women to serve as these kinds of heroes.
~ Ken Sande
Reflection Questions
- What did you think and feel as you read how God used Kent to resolve this scandal?
- Think about past situations in your life where you saw other people in conflict but felt unqualified to assist them. How did those situations turn out? How might they have been different if you had the training and courage pastor Kent displayed?
- What doubts or fears might keep you from pursuing training that could enable you to serve others like Kent did? Take those doubts and fears to the Lord in prayer and see how he directs your heart.
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© 2025 Ken Sande
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