I’ve mediated over 600 divorces. By God’s grace, over half of these couples reconciled during the mediation process.

But nearly half of these couples did not reconcile. As a result, they and their children experienced the heartbreak, trauma and financial pressure attendant to most divorces.

Some of these couples experienced such serious, unrepentant sin that divorce was appropriate. But most of these divorces could have been prevented if the both husbands and wives had drawn on the grace of the gospel and lived out the marital ground rules God has set forth in Scripture.

I recently came across one of the most concise summaries of these ground rules I’ve ever seen. It is a 16-minute video by a Life Coach named Laurin Ponce  (see below). I don’t know whether Laurin is a Christian, but by God’s common grace if nothing else she has gained key insights into some of the concepts God has built into creation that contribute to a secure, fulfilling and intimate marriage.

I have never in my life seen a divorce where the couple was living out these kinds of ground rules. Not one. Not once. Not ever.

More importantly, all the secure, thriving, intimate, joy-filled couples I know of are living by these principles. Of course, the ones who are doing it most successfully are also trusting in Jesus Christ and drawing on the transforming power of the gospel.

If you would like your marriage to thrive, please take just a few minutes to hear Laurin out. And if you want to see your children’s marriages flourish, please use this video to introduce them to this view of marriage at an early age … and then live these principles out before them every day. This kind of relationship is something to which every girl and boy, man and woman can aspire.

It’s also the kind of marriage Corlette and I are seeking to live. We’re far from perfect, but our happiest and most intimate times are characterized by these rules.

What about you?

~ Ken Sande

Reflection Questions (Most effective when shared with a spouse or friend)

• Where do you agree with Laurin. Where do you disagree? Why?
• Which of these principles are you living out in your marriage? How does that impact your relationship?
• Which of these principles are you not living out in your marriage? How does that impact your relationship?
• Are you brave? If so, watch this video with your teens and ask them to tell you how well they think you are living out these principles in your marriage.
• To see an example of a divorcing couple who reconciled through the power of the gospel, click here.
• If you are struggling in your marriage or contemplating divorce, these articles may be of value.

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.

© 2026 Ken Sande

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