Learning Relational Wisdom from Russell Crowe

In a moment you will have the opportunity to watch a video clip in which Russell Crowe demonstrates superb relational wisdom. After evaluating the clip, you can sign up for regular movie-based lessons on improving your own RW skills. But first, let’s consider why movies are so appealing to us.

Movies Are All About Relationship

Whether we’re watching Gone with the Wind, Lord of the Rings, Avatar, Harry Potter, or The Hunger Games, the attractive force that glues us to a movie screen is the relational dynamics between the major characters as they contend with each other and the challenges that surround them.

Great movies have two essential components, a compelling plot and exceptional acting. These elements join together to vividly portray both the agony and the glory of the human condition. Even when Hollywood writers and actors profess no faith in God, they cannot help but draw on and portray the relational principles he has built into his creation.

Fear, pride, jealousy, greed, judgment, vengeance—the bitter fruit of a fallen world—set the stage and build the tension in every story. Hope, love, compassion, sacrifice, forgiveness, and reconciliation—the evidences of God’s image and grace in us—enable our heroes to emerge from their challenges victoriously.

Great actors are especially adept at portraying the dynamics of human relationships, both good and bad. As we watch them, we see ourselves in Technicolor. If we pay careful attention, we can learn a great deal from them about relational wisdom.

Cinderella Man

Let me demonstrate with a short clip from Cinderella Man. Russell Crowe, one of my favorite actors, plays the title role. The story is based on the life of James J. Braddock. Once a successful heavyweight boxer, Braddock was reduced to poverty by a broken hand and the Great Depression. In this clip, he and his family are living in a rundown apartment, not knowing from day to day whether he’ll be able to earn enough money to buy food for their next meal.

As you watch this scene, pay careful attention to the relational dynamics and emotional cues. Watch Russell Crowe’s body language and posture. Listen to his tone of voice. Note his facial expressions. Pay attention to his use of pronouns. Use these cues to improve your own ability to discern emotions, desires, and needs, and to respond to them in constructive ways.

As you watch this clip, be sure to click the full screen icon in the lower right corner of the movie screen so you can better see the details of this moving exchange.

Debrief

If you were watching carefully, you will have noticed several excellent examples of relational wisdom. Let’s consider a few of them.

Crowe portrays a father who understands and restrains his own emotions, even in a highly stressful situation (self-aware and self-engaging). He resists the temptation to jump to conclusions and give in to pride and anger (“How could you do this to us? You’ve disgraced our family! I’ll teach you not to steal!”). Instead, he takes time to discover the reasons behind his son’s actions (other-aware), modeling one of the most appealing qualities God has built into us as his image-bearers: “love is patient and kind” (other-engaging).

Crowe demonstrates marvelous self-control throughout the scene. When he learned the reason for his son’s stealing, his body language revealed a deep inner agony. He looked up and down the street, suppressing a scream of anger and frustration, not at his son’s behavior, but at a world that was crushing his family and at his own inability to provide for those he loves (more self-awareness and engagement).

Crowe went from standing erect, to leaning over, to kneeling as he spoke to his son. This reduced physical intimidation and drew them closer to each other, both physically and emotionally.

As he spoke “the law” to his son (“We don’t steal”), he was still above him, but when he spoke grace (“I promise we will never send you away”), he was kneeling so low that his eyes were actually beneath his son’s (superb other-awareness and other-engagement, which continues throughout this scene).

Crowe moved smoothly from the first and second person singular (“I” and “You”) to the first person plural (“We” and “us”). In doing so, he sent  the clear message, “You are not excluded from my heart or love; we are a family and we are in this together.”

His tone of voice consistently conveyed gentleness and respect. He was firm but his words were not fashioned to sting and punish. He spoke the truth directly yet kindly, reminding his son of their family’s shared values and dignity, and inviting him to reclaim his place in that circle with a simple promise. A superb illustration of Proverbs 12:18: “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Crowe brought healing by conclusively resolving the burning issue in his son’s heart, the fear of being sent away for lack of food. Demonstrating excellent other-engagement, he gave a simple but life-changing promise, which echoes God’s covenant with us, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).

Crowe choked up as he made his promise, reinforcing his words with subtle yet convincing emotional cues. As his son burst into tears from sheer relief and threw himself into his father’s arms, this wise and loving father embraced his son, lifted him up, and reassured him with these compassionate and redeeming words, “It’s OK, kid. You got a little scared. I understand.”

Words that a son will remember and cherish to the day he dies. I know, because my father spoke almost these exact words to me when I was ten years old and just as scared as the boy in this scene. Those words ring in my ears to this day, reminding me of my father’s love, compassion, and wisdom.

Sign Up to Learn RW Through Movies

This little movie clip is only three minutes long, and yet it is packed with lessons on relational wisdom. I encourage you to watch it again, once with the sound off, to see all of the subtle ways that this gifted actor demonstrates profound relational skills.

I also encourage you to sign up to receive similar movie clips and evaluations that our ministry will begin sending out this fall. If you are on our emailing list, we will send you clips like the one above each month, along with background information, things to look for as you watch, and practical questions, insights and applications that you can use with your family and friends to grow together in relational wisdom.

Just click here to sign up now, and we’ll start learning from the movies together!

To see more evaluations of movie clips, please visit see our Movie Blog page.

–Ken Sande