Last week I received a testimony from a woman who had been involved in a conflict with a fellow teacher at her Christian school. It was so serious that the school hired a conciliator to guide the women through a mediation process. In preparation for their first meeting, the conciliator asked the women to read my book, The Peacemaker.

Shortly afterwards, the women cancelled the mediation meeting for the best possible reason. Applying what they had learned about biblical peacemaking, they had begun a new conversation that was already moving them toward full reconciliation.

Here is what one of those women learned through her study …

“Reading The Peacemaker was a turning point for me in navigating a long-standing and painful conflict with a colleague. The book gave me a framework to understand not only the external dynamics of the situation, but also the internal patterns, desires, and expectations I was carrying – some of which had quietly hardened into demands without my realizing it.

“One of the most significant shifts came from being reminded of why I valued this colleague in the first place. Conflict has a way of shrinking a person down to their most recent hurtful action. The Peacemaker, however, encouraged me to step back and remember the whole person – their strengths, contributions, and the good history we shared. Recalling these things softened my heart and allowed me to re-engage with a posture that was more generous than reactive.

“Another central insight was the invitation to release anger and resentment without requiring an apology first. This was incredibly challenging. I had been holding tightly to the idea that reconciliation could only move forward once certain acknowledgements were made. What The Peacemaker helped me see is that my forgiveness is not conditional – it is an act of obedience and freedom. And sometimes, it is beyond us and requires a prayerful heart before God. Realizing this helped lift a weight I had been carrying far too long.

“The book also renewed my understanding of what it means to “speak the truth in love.” I realized that my silence (driven largely by fear of rejection or escalation) was not actually loving. Avoidance had given resentment space to grow. I was gently convicted that saying something in love involves the courage to name concerns early, clearly, and with grace. The biblical reminders echoed through this process: to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry,” and to “bear with one another and forgive,” speaking truth with the goal of restoration rather than justification.

“Most importantly, reading The Peacemaker revealed the idols I had allowed to take root – the longing for affirmation, the desire for professional growth, the need to feel included and heard. These were good desires that had slowly become ultimate things. When they were threatened, my reactions intensified. Naming these idols before God allowed me to release them. I could finally see that the ache beneath the conflict was not simply about the other person’s actions, but about what I had begun to depend on for security and identity.

“Letting go of these idols brought clarity and peace. It reoriented me to the truth that my worth is not determined by a colleague’s approval or by how consistently I am included, supported, or heard. My identity is secure in Christ, and from that place I can approach conflict not as a battle to be won, nor a danger to hide from, but as an opportunity to grow in love, integrity, and courage.

“In all, The Peacemaker did not solve the conflict for me, but it changed me within the conflict – and that has made a world of difference.”

—

This is one of the most insightful applications of peacemaking I’ve ever seen, and it is a testimony to the freedom we can find when we put God’s peacemaking principles into practice.

I hope it inspires you to apply these same principles whenever one of your relationships is strained. If that is the case today, I hope you will pursue reconciliation this week. Hearts typically soften during the Christmas season, and people often long to see broken relationships restored. Now may be a great time to go and be reconciled!

~ Ken Sande

PS – Tomorrow you’ll receive a follow up to this story describing ways that you can bring these peacemaking principles into your family, workplace and community.

Reflection Questions

1. What did you think or feel as you read this testimony? Did it inspire you? Convict you?
2. Which of her peacemaking insights was most amazing or remarkable to you?
3. Which of these principles are most challenging for you to practice?
4. Which one or two principles would be most helpful to you the next time you are in a conflict?

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.

© 2025 Ken Sande

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