Do a 180
Sin-tainted emotions often provide helpful navigation points … and excellent opportunities to practice the six core skills of relational wisdom. When you realize that you are feeling anger, bitterness, jealousy, contempt, or any other negative or distressing emotion, ask yourself two questions. First, “Is this emotion pleasing to God and consistent with his character and […]
Parting in Peace
My big brother died three days ago. Steve was diagnosed with cancer in 1999 and was told he had only a year to live. Not willing to leave his family so soon, he fought this enemy to a standstill for fourteen years, thanking God for every extra day he enjoyed with those he loved. But […]
Papa, Clean Me!
Andrew, my two-and-half-year-old grandson, came across a fresh pile of dog poo in the yard last week. Having been told repeatedly to stay away from dog piles, he of course felt an irresistible desire to step on it and squish it around. Not liking the odor, he walked across the lawn trying to scrape his […]
Common Grace RW: Teaching and Learning from Non-Christians
Both my father and my mother were highly relational people. They were great listeners, remarkably empathetic, and had a marvelous ability to connect with and encourage others. As you might expect, they had many friends who enjoyed their company. There was one big difference between them, however. My mother was a devout Christian from her […]
Gentle Shepherding
Tom called me for advice on how to deal with a church elder’s daughter who was pregnant out of wedlock. Half of his elder board was insisting that she appear before them to confess her sin. The other half, including her father, wanted her to simply write a letter of confession. The young woman was […]
RW Acrostics in Action
When emotions rise, rational thinking usually plummets. This is why I summarized the key principles in my book, The Peacemaker, as simple acrostics, such as the Seven A’s of Confession and the Four Promises of Forgiveness, which people can recall and apply even when emotions are clouding their judgment. Having seen the benefit of these […]
RW … More Than Being Nice
A few days ago, a friend asked me if relational wisdom isn’t simply “being nice.” He’d recently read my “Serving a Barista” post, which gave him the impression that relational wisdom applies only to the easy, pleasant encounters of life. “Nothing could be further from the truth,” I told him. Not that it doesn’t apply […]
R U Morally Superior?
There is one thing you must do in order to judge others, hold a grudge or indulge bitterness. You must constantly affirm yourself as being morally superior to the person you are condemning. You must think … “I have the right to judge you, because I am morally superior to you.” “I have the right […]
A Time for Peace or War?
The following article is adapted from an article I wrote in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. I have revised it in light of the debate regarding Syria. While the geographical focus has changed from the U.S. to the Middle East, many of the issues and peacemaking principles remain the same. The recent use of […]
Preventing a Breach
I learned the hard way how easy it is to breach a dam. When I was fourteen, my dad hired a contractor to enlarge a stock pond on our ranch by building a dam. It was ten feet high and thirty feet thick at its base. As the pond filled, we discovered that the dirt […]