Informal Conciliation Cases
As the following real life examples illustrate, church leaders and other spiritually mature Christians can be used by God to resolve serious conflicts through informal conflict coaching, mediation and arbitration.
Highschool Conflict Spreads to Community
Texas Football Scandal
As pastor Kent drove home from our peacemaking training, he had no idea how quickly his new skills would be put to the test.
He had barely walked through the door when his wife informed him about a conflict that was dividing their small town. Three high school football players had been suspended from the team for attending a kegger. Their families insisted that the boys had been falsely accused and threatened to file lawsuits to clear their names and restore them to the team.
This was no minor conflict. This was high school football in Texas, which is practically a religion. Word traveled fast, and the town was already dividing over the scandal.
After describing the crisis to her husband, Kent’s wife said, “Well, what are you going to do about this?”
“This isn’t my battle!” he protested. “I pastor our church, not our high school.”
“But you just completed peacemaker training,” she responded. “If anyone in town has the skills to resolve this, it’s you. Besides, aren’t we supposed to be seen as the peacemakers in our community?
IT Tech Uses Peacemaking to Save Company a Million Dollars
Reconciling Two Stubborn Scientists
How would you feel if God enabled you to use simple relational skills you learned at church to solve a million dollar problem for your employer?
That’s exactly what a woman named Diane did when she stepped in to resolve an employee conflict that had stumped her company’s president and human resources professionals.
The joy she felt afterwards had nothing to do with the praise she received from her boss. Her joy came from the fact that her application of relational wisdom opened the door for her to share her faith with so many of the people she worked with every day.
Here is the story she shared with me.
Negligent Death Triggers Astonishing Forgiveness
I Killed Your Baby
Alicia was born prematurely. Worse yet, she was born near the end of an exhausting NICU (newborn intensive care unit) shift. Two overworked nurses failed to properly connect the life support system in her incubator. As a result, little Alicia died just a few hours after she was born.
Recognizing its legal exposure, the hospital circled its wagons. They called in their attorneys, put the nurses on leave and waited for the lawsuit.
Of course, Alicia’s parents were devastated. For several days all they could do was grieve the loss of their baby. Well-meaning friends came to comfort them, and one of them pointed out that they had grounds for a major lawsuit against the nurses and the hospital.
As the parents prayed about the situation, however, they sensed that God was leading them down a different path.
Pastor Arranges Wedding Day Reconciliation
Daddy, Is That You?
Becky looked forward to her wedding with a mixture of excitement and sadness. Mark was the man of her dreams, and she was thrilled about becoming his wife. But there was another man she had thought about many times over the years, and his memory brought mostly pain (all names have been changed).
Becky’s father, Frank, had abandoned the family when she was only five years old. Week after week she longed to see him, to feel his warm hugs and to tell him how much she wanted him to come home. But he could hardly bear the pain of such visits, so he eventually moved to another city. As a result, Becky had not seen her father for nearly twenty years.
As time passed, her loneliness was mingled with bitterness and a fear of getting close to others who might also abandon her one day.
Becky shared these feelings with her pastor and Mark during premarital counseling. Drawing on peacemaking principles he had learned through our training, Pastor Lee helped her to work through many of the things that might cast a shadow over her marriage.
But he knew that there was one special step that would especially help her to lay the past to rest: forgiveness.
So just two weeks before the wedding, with Becky’s permission, Pastor Lee decided to call her father …
Pastor Heads Conflict Off at the Pass
Defusing Explosive Meetings
Have you ever been in a meeting that was about to explode?
You could feel the tension building with each person’s comments and knew it was just a matter of time before the dynamite went off.
It might have been a conversation with your spouse or teenager. Maybe it was a staff meeting at the office. Or, sometimes most volatile of all, a congregational meeting at your church.
Well, here is a true story that illustrates a creative way to “de-fuse” this kind of dynamite.
A disagreement regarding the actions of a youth pastor had polarized a congregation and triggered such intense emotions and accusations that the leaders felt compelled to call a congregational meeting. Over a hundred members gathered together to voice their grievances and opinions.
Pastor Steps in to Reconcile Broken Family
Turning Assault into Reconciliation
“Don’t you try to come in!” Frank yelled through the door. “I have a bat and I’ll hit anyone who comes in.”
“Come on, open the door, Frank!” Joe responded from the porch. “We just want to talk.”
“This is getting out of control,” Jenny said as she pulled at Joe’s arm. “I think we should call our lawyer and have him talk with Frank.”
“But the realtor and the buyer will be here in ten minutes! The deal will fall apart if they can’t get in to look at the house.”
“It will fall apart a lot worse if Frank goes after them with a bat! I’m going to call right now and postpone the meeting until we can do something with Frank.”
“Ok, but I won’t let him hold this sale up forever. You’ve got two days to get him out of here, Jenny, and after that, I’ll come back with my own bat. I’m sure John and Matt will be happy to join me.”
Restore Harmony, Resolve Conflicts
Explore how peacemaking and conciliation can help resolve conflicts, foster understanding and build stronger relationships.