As happens all too often, City Churches’ rapid growth set them up for serious conflict, which led to multiple leadership resignations. (All names have been changed.)

Pastor Todd was an outstanding preacher, but organizational leadership was not one of his strengths. This deficiency, along with a few others, became increasingly apparent as the church grew, but the elders were afraid to address these issues directly out of fear of hurting his feelings. Instead, they decided to reorganize the churches’ leadership into three teams to oversee the administration, care and teaching of the church.

Because they had not candidly discussed all the reasons for the reorganization with Todd, he felt like the change was a demotion that forced him to focus on teaching while removing his broader leadership and pastoral responsibilities. This planted a root of bitterness and insecurity.

The elders made the further mistake of not clarifying how the teams were to relate to one another. This caused confusion and tension, especially when two of the teams felt that the Administration Team was trying to control their activities. As tensions grew, Todd and the other elders began to view one another through a negative lens, interpreting many actions with suspicion and resistance.

To make matters worse, when Todd was placed on the Teaching Team, he picked up on cues that indicated he was no longer responsible for shepherding and mentoring younger pastors and elders. So, he backed off, which resulted in further disconnection. The younger lay elders felt unsupported and unguided, especially when dealing with tough issues like potential divorces.

Tensions festered for three years. When Todd voiced concerns about the three-team model, other elders argued that they should continue with the system. This made Todd feel that his voice was being suppressed and his leadership was no longer respected. He finally wrote a formal letter explaining how he was struggling. The letter was only briefly discussed during a busy leadership meeting, which magnified Todd’s feelings of being devalued.

A careless comment by a young elder brought the situation to the boiling point. During one of their many awkward meetings, he compared Todd to a famous pastoral failure that caused multiple personal casualties. The elder’s intention was to warn of pending danger if they didn’t resolve their leadership issues, but Todd took it as a direct attack on him, implying that he was being power hungry and abusive. When no one spoke up to defend him, he concluded that the elders did not respect him anymore and that they thought he was the problem.

Writing from the lowest point of his life, deep in the pit of despair, he submitted a letter of resignation that included accusations against two of the younger elders whom he saw as being most against him. Todd’s resignation finally triggered alarm bells with the rest of the team as they realized they had avoided dealing with obvious leadership tensions. Their temporary solution to avoid imminent catastrophe was to request that the two younger elders resign with the agreement that all those most affected would join in a reconciliation process.

The younger elders agreed, but they were deeply wounded and felt that Todd had assassinated their characters. Their hopes of reconciliation with Todd were near zero.  Therefore, both families planned to leave the church. This was especially painful since both couples had met and married through the church college group and had poured their lives into the church for over a decade. They also knew their kids would be deeply hurt to lose the relationships they had in the church.

Although these were the most damaged relationships, the conflict within the elder team left multiple pastors and elders wounded, some of whom were also on the brink of resigning and leaving.

This was the low point of the story, and it could have ended with the total implosion of the church and permanent estrangement of a group of men who had once worked so closely together.

But then God intervened through an associate pastor named Jim. He had been at the church for only one year and was seen by all sides as a neutral party who could lead a reconciliation effort. Although he had received some peacemaking training through RW360, he realized that the situation was so volatile that he needed help. That’s when he reached out to our ministry.

By God’s grace, I was able to guide this group of fractured and disheartened church leaders back onto a solid path, a path that would lead to peace and full reconciliation.

I took responsibility for leading the two most challenging mediations, which involved Todd and the two younger elders who had resigned. At the same time, I provided guidance to Jim as he handled several mediations involving other elders and staff.

There are two reasons that most leadership teams with this level of division are unable to reconcile and regain a fully restored working relationship: pride and self-righteousness. Rather than follow Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 7:3-5 to “get the logs out of their own eyes,” wounded leaders are inclined to resort to self-vindication and blame-shifting … just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden (Gen. 3:9-13). This further inflames relational wounds and dooms reconciliation.

But the leaders of City Church refused to go down that destructive path. They asked God to give them grace to relate to one another in a spirit of gospel inspired humility and love. With Todd setting an inspirational example, he and the younger elders opened themselves to humble self-examination and completed detailed homework assignments, which including identifying the heart motivations and desires that had driven their sins (James 4:1-3). Major misunderstandings were identified and clarified. They all said later that this was some of the hardest work they had ever done in their lives, but oh so worth it.

It was especially helpful that the two younger elders’ wives participated in the mediation process with Todd. After confessing his wrongs against the two men, Todd turned to their wives individually and acknowledged how his behavior had impacted them and their families. Then he asked for their forgiveness. Walls came down, hearts softened, tears and forgiveness flowed.

Then the Golden Result kicked in (people usually treat us like we treat them).

Inspired by Todd’s example, the younger elders confessed their sins against Todd.  More forgiveness overflowed, along with more hugs, tears and joyful praise to God.

The process took a lot of time, energy and prayer, but God used it to restore peace and unity to this church. Todd’s resignation was rescinded with unanimous support, and he found fresh strength and a new vision for pastoring this church. His joy was made complete when the families that had been ready to leave found themselves happily staying.

Progress on personal issues opened the door for needed progress on substantive issues. Two older elders were assigned to observe all the mediation meetings, and their reports inspired the rest of the elders to revisit the reorganization plan, but this time with honest and open discussions about all the factors they needed to take into consideration, including Todd’s gifts and limitations. They also agreed that the two younger elders should have a path of restoration to the leadership team, should they so desire.

The key to this beautiful story of reconciliation was not my involvement, nor Jim’s capable assistance. It was the work of the Holy Spirit, which was powerfully manifested in our first group meeting when one of the elders wisely exclaimed, “Our problem is we lost the gospel.”

It was almost as if a gong had been struck. That phrase resonated and became an oft-repeated theme. The entire team realized they had forgotten that Jesus died to pay for all our sins—including the ones they had committed against one another—and they had failed to treat one another the same way he has treated us. As one person after another imitated Jesus’ love, humility, sacrifice, kindness and forgiveness, the bitterness, resentment and self-righteousness that had plagued this leadership team was blown away, and the peace of God was once again guarding their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

These men realize that their newfound peace and unity must never be taken for granted. They now know their imperfections all too well, and they are committed to holding one another accountable to living out the relational principles they’ve learned through the conciliation process.

Where the Enemy looked to chalk up another church implosion, the power of the gospel prevailed, and City Church is moving forward on mission with Jesus.

~ Ryan Ward, Director of Academic and Church Initiatives

PS – I recently visited this church and rejoiced to see Todd back in the pulpit, exalting Jesus and inspiring his congregation to embrace the transforming power of the gospel. Praise be to God!

Reflection Questions

• When pastors get seriously sideways with their leadership team, they are rarely able to be fully restored to their former working relationship. Why do you think this is?
• What was it in this situation that did lead to full restoration?
• How could you apply the lessons in this story to your own life and relationships?

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