A late departure from Oklahoma combined with a blocked gate in Salt Lake City put me thirty minutes behind during my first flight home last Friday.

My second flight was departing at the opposite end of the terminal, so I sprinted for 42 gates. Not quite fast enough, however.

The departing gate agent saw me running toward her and quickly picked up the phone to ask them to keep the jet door open.

But when I arrived breathless at her gate, she said, “I’m so sorry. They closed the door 30 seconds ago and cannot open it now.”

After asking my name, she started to get me on the next available flight. I could tell she was also bracing herself for the outburst of anger she usually received in such situations.

I was angry. I had been traveling and training nonstop for three weeks, and I wanted to get home. That goal was blocked, and anger is the natural human response when things are not going the way we desire (see James 4:1-3).

Before that anger overflowed at an innocent gate agent, however, God gave me grace to practice something I’ve taught to thousands of people: the READ Principle.

Recognize and Name My Emotions

My body was telling me I was angry. My muscles were tense, my heart was pounding and I could feel the frown gripping my face. My mind was filling with harsh words that I wanted to vent at someone. Every warning sign was there, so by God’s grace I was able to tell myself, “Ken, you are feeling really angry right now.”

This was the first vital step in activating the impulse control and reasoning part of my brain that kept my emotions from hijacking my mouth.

Evaluate My Emotions

My next move was to quietly pray, “God, I’m really angry. Please don’t let it overflow in sinful words.”

God answered that prayer by moving me to ask, “Why am I feeling angry?” The answer was right there. “Because I want to get home on time, and I’m upset that I’ll be stuck in an airport for several more hours.”

By God’s grace, my next thought was, “Whose fault is this?” Then, “No one’s really. The airline is trying to safely synchronize hundreds of flights today. Delays are natural in such a complex system. Everyone is doing the best they can, and this is the first flight I’ve missed all year. What do I have to complain about?”

Anticipate the Consequences of Acting on My Emotions

My anger was diminishing, but it was still there, and part of me still wanted to dump it on someone. As I looked at the gate agent trying so hard to rebook me, I realized how badly this could still unfold. “She’s done nothing whatsoever to contribute to my delay.” I thought. “Venting on her would be unkind and utterly unfair. It would hurt her feelings, cloud her heart and make her dislike her job. And within minutes, I would be burdened by a guilty conscience. Nothing good will come from venting.”

Direct My Emotions in a Constructive Way

At that point (about 20 seconds into this process), God enabled me to take a firm hold on my emotions and “do a 180” by saying exactly the opposite of what I felt like saying, as taught in Luke 6:27-28 and Romans 12:20-21. Noting her nametag, I smiled warmly at the gate agent, softened my voice and said, “You’ve got nothing to be sorry about, Elaine. It’s not your fault I was late getting here. Your airline has flown me safely this far today, and you’re doing the best you can to get me home as soon as possible. Thank you for serving me so well.”

She was clearly surprised. This was not a typical encounter for her. She visibly relaxed and seemed to let out a sigh of relief. Looking at the logo on my shirt, she asked, “What is relational wisdom 360?”

“It’s a ministry that teaches people how to build healthy relationships and resolve conflict in ways that honor God. If you look us up on the internet, you’ll find some great peacemaking stories.”

“I will,” she said as she handed me my new ticket. “Thank you for your patient response to this situation. You’ve made my day.”

“And you’ve made mine,” I replied as I turned away. “God bless the rest of your day.”

A brief encounter that could have gone so very badly. But God had a different agenda. He gave me grace to live out the READ Principle in a way to put wind under a gate agent’s wings and left me with a clear conscience.

And who knows what God might do in Elaine’s life if she visits our website …

~ Ken Sande

PS – If you’d like to learn how to practice the READ principle in your life, please sign up for our online course, Discovering Relational Wisdom. You can help your friends learn these kinds of relational skills by hosting a group study in your home or a Sunday school class in your church.

Reflection Questions

• Have you ever been in a situation where your anger overflowed in harsh words or actions? How did that impact other people? How did you feel afterwards?
• If you could turn back the clock on that situation and live it again, how would you apply the READ principle?
• The READ principle is easy to memorize: Recognize, Evaluate, Anticipate, Direct. How would your life be different in the future if you not only memorized these steps but also practiced them so diligently that they became an engrained way of being?

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© 2026 Ken Sande

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