Introduction to Relational Wisdom

“Get wisdom. Prize her highly and she will exalt you.” Proverbs 4:7-8

Relational wisdom (RW), in essence, is the desire and ability to live out Jesus’ two Great Commandments, namely, to love God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself (Matt. 22:37-39).

Relational wisdom may also be defined as “your ability to discern emotions, interests and abilities in yourself and others, to interpret them in the light of God’s Word, and to use these insights to manage your responses and relationships successfully.”

As you learn these skills, you can experience stronger relationships and less conflict at home, at church, and in the workplace, as well as improved team-building, better job performance and a more credible witness for Christ.

The Bible’s teaching on relational wisdom can be organized in terms of six core skills or disciplines that are grouped into three pairs. One pair focuses on how we relate to God, another on how we relate to ourselves, and the third on how we relate to others.

Each of these three pairs has an “awareness” component (what we see and understand), and an “engaging” component (what we do and say). These skill sets may be described in the following terms and diagram:

God-aware, God-engaging

Self-aware, Self-engaging

Other-aware, Other-engaging

Skills Defined

The Bible teaches extensively on each of these six skills. Of course it does not use expressions like “God-aware” or God-engaging.” Instead, it uses words like remember, faithful, humble, disciplined, compassionate, and serve. This teaching can be summarized in the following definitions and synonyms for each of the six core skills of relational wisdom.

God-awareness (remember) is the ability to view all of life in the light of God’s character, works, and promises.

God-engagement (faithfulness) is the ability to trust, obey, and imitate God in a way that pleases and honors him.

Self-awareness (humility) is the ability to honestly discern your own emotions, interests, values, strengths, and weaknesses.

Self-engagement (discipline) is the ability to manage your thoughts, emotions, words, and actions so that they advance God’s purposes.

Other-awareness (compassion) is the ability to understand and empathize with the experiences, emotions, and interests of others.

Other-engagement (service) is the ability to encourage, cooperate, and resolve differences with others in a mutually beneficial way.

Inside, Outside

These definitions describe the biblical ideal for each skill. When we walk close to God and draw steadily on his grace, we are able to live inside the circle of relational wisdom. This generally results in peaceful and fulfilling relationships with the Lord and the people around us.

But if we ignore God and decline his grace, we are living outside the circle of relational wisdom. Instead of remembering God, we forget him. Instead of being faithful, we are fickle. We become proud instead of humble, indulgent rather than disciplined, insensitive instead of compassionate, and manipulative rather than serving.

The Good News of the Gospel

The good news is that even though we often fail in our relationship with God and others, God has secured a path for our full restoration. He sent his Son to pay the price for our sins on the cross, and he is pleased to forgive those who believe that Jesus died for their salvation and was resurrected to give them new life (Acts 10:43).

When we put our trust in Jesus, he delights to draw us back into the circle of his love and give us grace to reconcile and to relate to one another in ways that reflect his compassion, kindness, humility and patience (2Cor. 5:17; Col. 3:12-15).

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