Peacemaking

Peacemaking Principles

Peacemaking and RW

Peacemaking is a special application of relational wisdom. To put it in terms of the RW paradigm, peacemaking is what God calls us to do when we (or other people) have slipped outside the circle of relational wisdom and we need to get back inside the circle by resolving our differences and restoring healthy relationships with God and one another. 

Personal Peacemaking

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict , which has sold over 500,000 copies in seventeen languages, describes many of the key peacemaking principles God has given to us through Scripture. A few of the key concepts detailed in this book are provided below. 

The Four G’s of Peacemaking

The peacemaking principles set forth in the Bible may be summarized in four foundational principles or goals:

Glorify God

Get the Log Out of Your Eye

Gently Restore

Go and Be Reconciled

Slippery Slope of Conflict

Glorify God

You can glorify God in the midst of conflict by reflecting and drawing attention to the excellence of his character. You can do this by trusting him, obeying him and imitating him. One of the best ways to keep these concerns uppermost in your mind is to regularly ask yourself these types of focusing questions:

“How can I please and honor the Lord in this situation?”

“How can I bring praise to Jesus by showing that he has saved me and is changing me?

Get to the Heart of Conflict

James 4:1 says, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it.”

This passage shows that conflict typically arise from unmet desires. Even if these desires are not inherently wrong, they can grow into consuming demands—what the Bible calls “idols of the heart.” This process often includes four phases:

I desire

I demand

I judge

I punish

Seven A’s of Confession

One way to “get the log out of your own eye” is to use the Seven A’s of Confession:

Address everyone involved (All those whom you affected)

Avoid if, but, and maybe (Do not try to excuse your wrongs)

Admit specifically (Both attitudes and actions)

Acknowledge the hurt (Express sorrow for hurting someone)

Accept the consequences (Such as making restitution)

Alter your behavior (Change your attitudes and actions)

Ask for forgiveness

Four Promises of Forgiveness

Through forgiveness God tears down the walls that our sins have built, and he opens the way for a renewed relationship with him. This is exactly what we can do when we forgive as the Lord forgives us: We release the person who has wronged us from the penalty of being separated from us. We do not hold wrongs against others, do not think about the wrongs, and do not punish others for them. Therefore, forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises:

“I will not dwell on this incident.”

“I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”

“I will not talk to others about this incident.”

“I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”

PAUSE Principle of Negotiation

Philippians 2:3-4 provides timeless wisdom on how to negotiate solutions to disagreements with other people:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

One way to implement this negotiation strategy is to follow five basic principles, which are summarized in the PAUSE Principle:

Prepare (pray, get the facts, seek godly counsel, develop options)

Affirm relationships (show genuine concern and respect for others)

Understand interests (identify others’ concerns, desires, needs, limitations, or fears)

Search for creative solutions (prayerful brainstorming)

Evaluate options objectively and reasonably (evaluate, don’t argue)

Coaching and Mediation

Leading Christians Through Conflict is a 70-page downloadable ebooklet that contains detailed guidance on how to provide conflict coaching or mediation to help other people resolve their differences. A few of the concepts detailed in this booklet are provided below.  

 

Earn a Passport

If you want to help others resolve a conflict, you must first earn a “passport” into their lives. This requires that you treat people in such a way that they will answer “yes” to three key questions, each of which encompasses a variety of sub-questions that roll around in people’s minds when they are thinking of opening up to you:

Can I trust you? 

Do you really care about me? 

Can you actually help me? 

 

Provide Three P’s of Satisifaction

 Any time you are trying help others resolve a conflict, do everything possible to provide each person with three types of satisfaction:

Process satisfaction, which requires a fair, orderly, and even-handed process where everyone feels that they’ve had a reasonable opportunity to present their side of the matter.

Personal satisfaction, which requires treating everyone with respect, courtesy, and equality, just as we would want to be treated ourselves.

Product satisfaction, which requires a final solution that is as reasonable, just and equitable as is humanly possible. 

 

Use the GOSPEL to Mediate Conflicts

The vast majority of disputes that arise in the church can be resolved through a fairly simple mediation process, which we refer to as “GOSPEL,” an acrostic that stands for:

Greeting and ground rules – Make introductions and agree on how you will work together.

Opening statements – Ask each party to briefly explain what he or she would like to accomplish.

Story telling – Help the parties to clearly communicate all relevant information.

Problem identification and clarification – Clearly define central issues and interests.

Explore solutions – Brainstorm options; evaluate them reasonably and objectively.

Lead to agreement – Encourage and document a final agreement.