Confession Killers
If you want to diminish the value of a confession, use one of these three phrases. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.” When you use “if” in a confession, what people often hear is, “I don’t know that I’ve done anything wrong, but since you’re obviously upset, here’s a token apology to […]
Be Kind
She stood in line quietly crying, holding onto a metal sign to steady herself. I’d just arrived at the airport gate, ready to catch my flight back to Billings. As I waited for my zone to be called, I noticed her wiping the tears from her cheeks. She was a complete stranger, so I hesitated […]
Marty and the Woman at the Well
Today you are going to meet people who are hiding great emotional and relational pain. They will typically smile and say a few superficial words, but they will seldom reveal their inner struggles … usually because they do not believe you would understand or really care. As they walk away, you will have missed an […]
Men Lay Down Emotional Cards One at a Time
Don’t miss the special webinar invitation at the end of this blog! I ran into Jim while standing in line at Starbucks. We’d known each other for years, so it was only natural to ask, “How are you today?” I normally hear an upbeat, “I’m OK,” when I ask this question. Jim spoke those exact words, […]
Three Ways to Multiply Kindness
This true story from an airline pilot about a fallen soldier’s journey home illustrates a fundamental fact about human nature: since we are all made in the image of God, we are designed to be kind to one another. Here is what the pilot wrote. My lead flight attendant came to me and said, “We […]
A Biker with Amazing Relational Skills
Mom’s Night Out (not to be confused with Bad Moms) provides some superb examples of relational wisdom … especially by a big, tattooed biker. The movie involves three mothers who decide they need a night away from their kids. In order to enjoy high heels, adult conversation and food not served in a bag, they […]
The Wounds of a Friend
Most of us are blind to our own poor relational skills. As a result, we often fail to see how our behavior impacts the people around us and undermines our witness for Christ. One of the best ways to counteract our self-blindness is to ask for candid feedback from those around us. Their answers are […]
Three Pennies a Week
Every relationship has a limited amount of social capital. Among other things, this means that you need to exercise wisdom in how often you initiate uncomfortable conversations with those around you, whether in your family, church or workplace. Think of it like this: imagine that you can spend only “three pennies of criticism” in a […]
If Your Enemy Is Hungry …
When I graduated from college, I was hired by a medical R&D company that was developing an advanced kidney dialysis machine. Within one year I was promoted to serve as the project manager. That’s when the trouble started … Within 24 hours of my promotion, I realized I had zero training on how to deal […]
Falsely Accused
I often warn people that when they start studying relational wisdom, God is likely to give them homework. That’s what happened last week to a young woman I’ll call “Susan” (all names changed), who just shared this story with me. Susan’s boss, Barbara, asked her to make travel arrangements for a trip involving their entire […]