10 Rules for a Secure, Fulfilling and Intimate Marriage
I’ve mediated over 600 divorces. By God’s grace, over half of these couples reconciled during the mediation process. But nearly half of these couples did not reconcile. As a result, they and their children experienced the heartbreak, trauma and financial pressure attendant to most divorces. Some of these couples experienced such serious, unrepentant sin that […]
How to Resurrect a Dead Relationship
A young Christian couple came to my office just before Easter one year and asked me to mediate the legal issues of their divorce. The wife had been unfaithful, and their relationship had been shattered. They had argued, excused and blamed for a couple of weeks and finally given up hope that they could ever […]
Three Qualities that Improve Every Relationship
After mediating hundreds of divorces, lawsuits, forced pastoral exits and church splits, I have learned that these types of conflicts usually involved one or more parties who lacked three critical character qualities: humility, teachability and flexibility. To put it in a positive way, if you want to avoid major conflict and enjoy a life-long marriage, […]
Fighting to Save a Marriage
A friend of mine recently learned that his wife is having an affair and is planning to file for divorce. After Mark got over the initial shock, he sought my advice and prayers on how to respond to Lisa (not their real names). He is now fighting for his marriage with astonishing wisdom and strength. […]
The Best Way to Rewrite History
Jerry’s wife had filed for divorce. She was willing to mediate the legal issues but made it clear she had no interest in reconciliation. Ted had a similar problem with his church. Months of unresolved tensions had overflowed in a contentious elders meeting, with a few of his elders urging him to leave. Both men faced […]
Gracious Eyes
A while ago I completed a particularly sad divorce mediation. The husband had tried for years to meet his wife’s expectations, but she was adept at finding fault with everything he did. Shortly after our final meeting, I read an article in Country Magazine in which M.G. Creight described her husband with wonderfully warm and […]
A Biker with Amazing Relational Skills
Mom’s Night Out (not to be confused with Bad Moms) provides some superb examples of relational wisdom … especially by a big, tattooed biker. The movie involves three mothers who decide they need a night away from their kids. In order to enjoy high heels, adult conversation and food not served in a bag, they […]
Pastors’ Wives Can Burn Out Too
I received a lot of positive feedback on last week’s post about a pastor who admitted his need for physical rest, spiritual renewal and relational retooling. One of the most insightful responses came from a different pastor’s wife, who described how both she and her husband also came close to burn out. I read your last […]
Are You Teachable?
I’ve been in the middle of hundreds of conflicts. Divorces, custody battles, business lawsuits, forced pastoral exits, church splits, nonprofit disintegrations … you name it, I’ve seen Christians fight over it. After many long and difficult mediations, I learned that there was one factor that usually made the difference between seeing either genuine reconciliation or […]
Why Scare My Wife?
Corlette and I have very different depth perception. A car that I see as being a hundred feet away she sees as being a hundred inches away. So when I’d make a left turn with a car coming towards us in the opposite lane, she would tense up, grab the door handle, and jam her […]