How Did You Experience Me?

by | Feb 13, 2015

Me? Surprised, upset, offended young man asking you mean me?One of the hardest and yet most profitable questions you can ever ask another person is …

“How did you experience me?”

In other words …

“Please tell me how I made you feel and what you were thinking about me during our recent interaction. I really want to know … even if you think it might be hard for me to hear.”

It takes courage to make yourself this open and vulnerable to what other people might say about how you’ve impacted them. And it takes humility and self-control to accept unpleasant feedback without getting defensive or angry.

It may not be easy, but if you truly want to grow in both self-awareness and other-awareness, one of the most relationally wise questions you can ask others is …

“How did you experience me?”

– Ken Sande

Reflection Questions

  • Why is hard to make ourselves this open to feedback from other people? What are we typically afraid of?
  • If someone says something that’s unpleasant to hear, how will you be tempted to react? What would be a wiser way to respond?
  • Most people are not used to giving each other truly candid feedback. So if someone seems hesitant to respond, you could add, “Please take some time to think about this; I’d really value your honest feedback, and will get back to you in a few days to see what you’d like to share with me.” And then be sure to get back to them!

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.

© 2015 Ken Sande

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