St. Augustine and I Share a Common Lust
I share a lust with St. Augustine. Although he was a pillar of the church, he regularly prayed, “O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.” We all inherited this lust from our original parents, who invented the art of excusing sin and justifying ourselves by blaming others (Gen. 3:9-13). I have […]
Reconciling Two Stubborn Scientists
How would you feel if God enabled you to use simple relational skills you learned at church to solve a million dollar problem for your employer? That’s exactly what a woman named Diane did when she stepped in to resolve an employee conflict that had stumped her company’s president and human resources professionals. The joy […]
A Wave of Confessions Saves a Church
At last he had his chance. Clutching his prepared statement in his hand, Mark sat down in the front pew, ready to get even with the elders (all names have been changed). Six months earlier they had refused to support his promotion to senior pastor. They had stood silently by when Mark was slandered in […]
Leadership Transitions: The Good, the Bad and the Clumsy
I’ve seen a lot of leadership transitions over the past thirty years. Like the characters in an old Clint Eastwood western, they generally fell into one of three categories: The Good, the Bad, and the Clumsy (which often turned ugly). Bad Transitions Bad transitions usually involved one or more players with malicious motives. Like the […]
No Excuses
I failed a coworker. Badly. No, not just badly … very badly. It took me a while to face it. When I finally realized what I’d done, embarrassment kept me from going to talk with him right away. So now I was doubly wrong. Failed to support him, and failed to admit it even when […]
Confession Killers
If you want to diminish the value of a confession, use one of these three phrases. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.” When you use “if” in a confession, what people often hear is, “I don’t know that I’ve done anything wrong, but since you’re obviously upset, here’s a token apology to […]
Reconcile Before It’s Too Late
The woman on the phone was crying so hard I could barely understand her. “You warned me,” she said over and over. “But I didn’t listen, and now it’s too late.” “To late for what?” I asked when she paused to take a breath. “When did I warn you? Why is it too late?” “You spoke […]
Public Confession Is Counterintuitive
Whenever we’ve done something wrong, our natural instinct is to conceal, deny or minimize our guilt. This dynamic began with Adam and Eve and is painfully evident in the current race for the White House. Sadly, it is also displayed in many churches, where both pastors and parishioners often give in to the tendency to […]
How to Test a Confession
There is a simple way to test the sincerity of a confession … whether yours or someone else’s. How detailed is your plan for repentance? “For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret (turning from sin, growing in Christ-like character, and enjoying a clear conscience), whereas worldly grief produces death (empty words, […]
A Better Way to Handle Abuse
Sexual abuse in the church does not have to end in broken lives, agonizing lawsuits, and divided congregations. When people follow God’s ways and words, these terrible incidents can result in healing, justice, and healthier churches. When victims of abuse first come forward, I have found that most of them are seeking four reasonable responses. […]