A Lost Translation … Almost
XYZ Translators (all names changed) was about to lose a ten-year investment in learning the language of a remote tribe in Africa. John and Janice had lived...
Overcoming Artificial Maturity
Thousands of high school and college seniors are about to graduate and launch into the next season of their lives. Most of them are less prepared for that...
Are You Velcro or Teflon?
Kelly can be one of the best friends in the world. She’s thoughtful, caring, and always eager to encourage and serve others. The people in her Bible study and...
Emotionally Hijacked Official Loses Job
I inherited my love for practical jokes from my uncles. One of them was particularly adept at catching me off guard. Like the time he called me on the phone...
Two Free eBooklets on Empathy
Every person on the face of the earth has a God-given capacity for empathy and compassion. Like every other ability, however, empathy does not improve on its...
Lincoln’s Relational Wisdom
The current political climate, at both state and national levels, has highlighted the close connection between politics, pride and emotion. In an...
Reagan, Lincoln, RW and You
Study Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln and you’ll learn a great deal about how to relate to your spouse, children, co-workers and the people in your church...
What Makes Powerful People Cry
I recently learned what makes some of the most powerful people in the world cry. Dr. Michael Lindsay, President of Gordon College, has interviewed 550 of the...
Confession Killers
If you want to diminish the value of a confession, use one of these three phrases. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to upset you.” When you use "if" in a...
Destroy Your Enemies
As the Civil War was coming to an end, it seemed inevitable that the North would prevail. President Lincoln had many discussions with administration...
Glory to God and Peace Among Men
My mother passed away ten years ago on Christmas Eve. She was totally at peace and eager to see her Savior face-to-face. Not so my father. In the last hours...
500,000 and Counting!
Just before Christmas, I learned that over 500,000 copies of The Peacemaker are now in circulation in seventeen different languages. I also discovered that we...
Your Legacy
What is the greatest legacy you could pass on to your children and grandchildren? Lavish Christmas presents? Money? Property? Investments? Family name? Social...
Be Kind
She stood in line quietly crying, holding onto a metal sign to steady herself. I’d just arrived at the airport gate, ready to catch my flight back to...
Two Huge Doors
The Lord has opened two huge doors for us in 2018. One of them would enable us to train hundreds of Christian leaders in 145 countries. The other would allow...
The Golden Result
We all know the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” But do you know the Golden Result? It’s a direct corollary to the Golden Rule:...
10 Ways to Connect Deeply at Thanksgiving
Would you like to move beyond superficial conversation during your Thanksgiving gathering this year? Would you like to connect deeply with your family and...
Marty and the Woman at the Well
Today you are going to meet people who are hiding great emotional and relational pain. They will typically smile and say a few superficial words, but they...
Opportunities in Europe
Amidst all the social and political turmoil in Europe, God is moving to renew the biblical church and re-evangelize countries that have forgotten their...
7 Steps for Leaving a Church Wisely
I’ve talked with many people who left their churches. Some did it for valid reasons and made the transition wisely and graciously. Others were driven by...
Five Ways to Amaze People Who Leave Your Church
A few days ago, a woman told me a heartbreaking story about her pastor. Cindy was born and raised at First Church, and Pastor Smith’s teaching had laid the...
A Common Lust
I share a lust with St. Augustine. Although he was a pillar of the church, he regularly prayed, “O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating...
Seven Benefits of a Smile
My daughter, Megan, was eighteen months old when she decided to test her smile on a Hells Angel. Just before a vacation in Jackson, Wyoming, she had learned...
Five Ways to Weave RW into Your Life
One of the most popular features of our training program is that we summarize all of our key principles in simple acrostics that can be easily memorized and...
8 More Principles of Relational Leadership
In last week’s post, I described seven principles of relational wisdom that are illustrated in Congressman Steve Russell’s gripping book, We Got Him: A Memoir...
7 Ways to Apply RW in Combat, Congress and the Church
What is the common link between commanding soldiers in combat, passing a bill in Congress and leading a church or ministry? Answer: Success in each of these...
Teaching RW in Washington, D.C.
Our entire nation was stunned by yesterday’s shooting at a Congressional baseball practice. Rep. Steve Scalise was still in critical condition this morning,...
“The Talk”
Shortly after I graduated from law school and moved back to Billings to work in Federal court, I received some life-changing advice from a man I’d never met...
Barnabas: Portrait of a Peacemaker
When Peacemaker Ministries launched its initial training on biblical conflict resolution, my dear friend and founding Board member Jim Soft contributed this...
RW Training Strengthens Both Businesses and Families
Would you like to find an investment that consistently produces a return of $1.50 to $6.85 for every dollar you invest? What if that investment had the...
Two Urgent Needs
One of my greatest joys is being able to serve people who have an urgent need and genuine desire to improve their relational skills, such as this desperate...
A Peacemaker’s Prayer
Years ago, Charles Spurgeon wrote, "A primary qualification for serving God with any amount of success, and for doing God’s work well and triumphantly,...
The Kindness Challenge
Last week I had the privilege of meeting Shaunti Feldhahn, a Harvard-trained Wall Street analyst who is devoting her research skills to developing...
The Last Human Freedom
“The last of the human freedoms is to choose one’s attitude.” So wrote Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who survived the Holocaust,...
The Night the Roof Fell In
The world lost a great actress a few days ago. Mary Tyler Moore brought laughter to millions of people, especially in her role as Dick Van Dyke’s...
Hidden Figures
Hidden Figures is one of the best movies I’ve seen in years. This recent release portrays the remarkable character and accomplishments of three brilliant...
Reconcile Before It’s Too Late
The woman on the phone was crying so hard I could barely understand her. "You warned me," she said over and over. "But I didn't listen, and now it's too...
Ramping Up for 2017
This has been an incredibly fruitful year for RW360! God opened the way for us to average four live seminars a month. Thanks to the support of friends like...
Give the Gift of Relationship
The holiday season often presents two challenging questions: First, “What meaningful gift can I give to the special people in my life this Christmas?” Second,...
Politics as Ministry
The 2016 elections are finally over … and now the healing must begin. At the national level, we’ve already heard conciliatory statements from President Obama,...
One Relationship that Is Rarely Restored
I’ve seen hundreds of terribly damaged relationships restored over the years. Whether the break was caused by adultery, embezzlement, broken contracts,...
Men Lay Down Emotional Cards One at a Time
Don't miss the special webinar invitation at the end of this blog! I ran into Jim while standing in line at Starbucks. We’d known each other for years, so it...
100 Scholarships & 30 Custom Courses
I need your help giving away 100 full scholarships to our new online course. I would also appreciate your input as we develop 30 new Life Application...
Gotta Love (and Help) Millennials
One of the catchiest videos I’ve ever seen is entitled, “Gotta Love Millennials.” Sung to the old Beatles tune, Obladi-Oblada, its opening stanza provides a...
How to Lose an Airline Seat … and Win a Friend at the IRS
It’s never smart to offend someone who has discretionary authority over your life. Such as the ticket agent I watched as she juggled an overbooked flight. She...
31 Marks of a Relational Leader
Last May I had the privilege of delivering a plenary address to 700 Christian leaders from throughout Europe. The video of this address was just released on...
Anything That Humbles Me Is Good for Me
Last week I had the privilege of hiking in the Montana wilderness with Rankin Wilbourne, a dear friend and pastor from southern California. As we shared about...
Three Ways to Multiply Kindness
This true story from an airline pilot about a fallen soldier’s journey home illustrates a fundamental fact about human nature: since we are all made in the...
Public Confession Is Counterintuitive
Whenever we’ve done something wrong, our natural instinct is to conceal, deny or minimize our guilt. This dynamic began with Adam and Eve and is painfully...
A Biker with Amazing Relational Skills
Mom’s Night Out (not to be confused with Bad Moms) provides some superb examples of relational wisdom … especially by a big, tattooed biker. The movie...
A New Generation of RW Training
By God’s grace, a new generation of training in relational wisdom launched this morning. This interactive online course addresses the theology, benefits, and...
Six Days to Launch
With just six days to go before we launch our new online course, Discovering Relational Wisdom 2.0, God gave us a special gift this week. Feedback from two...
Pastors’ Wives Can Burn Out Too
I received a lot of positive feedback on last week's post about a pastor who admitted his need for physical rest, spiritual renewal and relational retooling....
Do You Know a Bruised Reed?
It takes a great deal of humility, wisdom and courage for a popular pastor to admit that he is a “bruised reed” in desperate need of physical rest, spiritual...
The Wounds of a Friend
Most of us are blind to our own poor relational skills. As a result, we often fail to see how our behavior impacts the people around us and undermines our...
Wisdom Can Prevent Fraud
One of the many interesting groups I engaged during the recent European Leadership Forum was the Leaders of Christian Organizations Network. This network is...
Bringing RW to the Church in Europe
Corlette and I are having an exciting time in Poland interacting with 720 church and ministry leaders from 45 European countries. They’ve gathered together...
Headed to Europe
Lord willing, Corlette and I will be flying to Wisla, Poland, this week to participate for a second time in the European Leadership Form. This conference...
The Three P’s of Satisfaction
It’s not often that an attorney loses a lawsuit, along with her two million dollar contingency fee, and yet walks away satisfied. I’ve seen similar...
Gospel Centered Relationships
Corlette and I spent the last four days in Seattle teaching relational wisdom and peacemaking at Highlands Community Church. One of the high points of the...
CCEF: Emotions-Engaging the Expressions of Our Hearts
This October I will have the privilege of presenting a Discovering Relational Wisdom Seminar at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundations’ 2016...
Blind Optimism Can Be Dangerous
Churches and ministries (as well as married couples) could learn a vital lesson from the U.S. State Department. Chip Zimmer, our ministry’s Vice President,...
Good Cop, Great Cop
Deputy Matt Holman saved the life of a homeless man staggering toward destruction. His name was Robert Morris. He’d lost his family, become an addict, and was...
Three Pennies a Week
Every relationship has a limited amount of social capital. Among other things, this means that you need to exercise wisdom in how often you initiate...
Springing from Adversity to Worship
Adversity tends to pull us down. It hurts when others sin against us, take us for granted, fail to stand up for us, or break their commitments to us. Such...
Shooting My Car
I almost shot my car after one of our Montana blizzards. A foot of wet snow had fallen in just a few hours and the roads were impossible. I’d been out earlier...
How to Test a Confession
There is a simple way to test the sincerity of a confession … whether yours or someone else’s. How detailed is your plan for repentance? “For godly grief...
Habit Change Is a Team Project
Habits exert enormous influence in our lives. For better or worse, they guide most of our daily activities, guiding us automatically through routine behaviors...
Immersed in Technology
As you may have noticed, I missed last week’s blog post … the first one in 160 weeks! Why? Because I’ve been immersed in all of the new electronic equipment...
Idolatrous Habits
Many of our habits are spiritually neutral, such as the way we brush our teeth or the route we drive to work. Other life patterns clearly violate spiritual...
Conquering M&M’s (and Premature Advice)
My wife seemed to be testing my resolve. A month ago I decided that it was time to do battle with my love for candy. That meant not slipping into the pantry...
Seven Principles of Habit Change
I was sitting on the patio of an expensive restaurant in Beirut. Six young Lebanese were sitting at the table next to us, glued to their smart phones. Not a...
Do You Want to Change Your Habits?
A five year-old child was sitting alone in a room with a marshmallow placed a few inches in front of her. She was told that she could eat it immediately, but...
Building Momentum
By God’s grace, we have built marvelous momentum this year on multiple fronts … and we need your help to keep it going. Corlette and I delivered 25 seminars...
Never Give Up
One of the greatest heartbreaks a parent can experience is to be estranged from an adult child … which usually means losing contact with beloved grandchildren...
33 Ways to Enjoy Highly Relational Holidays
If you're like most people, the coming holiday season will be either the best time of the year or the worst time of the year ... and it will probably depend...
If Your Enemy Is Hungry …
When I graduated from college, I was hired by a medical R&D company that was developing an advanced kidney dialysis machine. Within one year I was...
Falsely Accused
I often warn people that when they start studying relational wisdom, God is likely to give them homework. That’s what happened last week to a young woman I’ll...
Bridge of Spies
Bridge of Spies is one of the most inspirational movies I’ve seen in years. It reminds me why I went to law school -- I had a love for justice, a respect for...
Are You Teachable?
I’ve been in the middle of hundreds of conflicts. Divorces, custody battles, business lawsuits, forced pastoral exits, church splits, nonprofit...
My Wife’s Punch List Was Driving Our Son Crazy
During the last months of my son’s senior year in high school, Jeff had a lot of conflict with his mother. As a result I was doing more mediation at home than...
My Wife’s Punch List Was Driving Our Son Crazy
During the last months of my son's senior year in high school, Jeff had a lot of conflict with his mother. As a result I was doing more mediation at home than...
Magnificent Compassion at McDonalds
Last week a young McDonald's fast-food worker named Kenny provided a magnificent example of compassion. His selfless act was described by Destiny Carreno,...
Good News on Teaching Marathon
Corlette and I are deeply grateful for the many prayers that upheld us during our recent 17-day “teaching marathon” in Florida, Virginia and Alabama (Oct....
Lawyer vs Teacher
I'm not a fun person to argue with. When my pride kicks in, I find it all too easy to use my legal training to cross examine others and back them into a...
Four Ways to Pursue God
I fell in love with Jesus during law school. It wasn’t because law school was so difficult; it was because Jesus is so wonderful. Thanks to my mother, I’d...
The World’s Best GPS
How much do you trust God? Really? Do you trust him as much as a blind teenage racer trusts her seeing-eye dog? Sami Stoner lost her eyesight just as she...
Why Scare My Wife?
Corlette and I have very different depth perception. A car that I see as being a hundred feet away she sees as being a hundred inches away. So when I’d make a...
Relationally Wise Pastoral Care
One of the greatest blessings of my recent time in South Africa was seeing how quickly people were applying relational wisdom to vital life issues, such as...
RW in South Africa
I’m writing this post from Cape Town, South Africa, where I’ve been exploring ways to apply relational wisdom to some of the most challenging issues people...
Five Ways to Weave RW into Your Life
Last week I had the privilege of reading how one of our newest RW Presenters has been applying relational wisdom with dozens of people, including his...
You Can Host an RW Seminar
Would you like to improve the relational dynamics in your church, ministry or business? If so, I encourage you to host a Discovering Relational Wisdom Seminar...
A Better Way to Handle Abuse
Sexual abuse in the church does not have to end in broken lives, agonizing lawsuits, and divided congregations. When people follow God’s ways and words, these...
Getting Wind Under Your Wings
After four weeks of nonstop travel last month, I was running out of energy. As a result I was unusually apathetic as I walked into the conference center for...
Forgive Like Edison, or Better Yet, Jesus
Thomas Edison never claimed to be a Christian, but he did a better job of demonstrating forgiveness than many believers do. When Edison and his staff were...
Celebrating 30 Years Together
Corlette and I are in Jackson, Wyoming, today celebrating 30 years of marriage. We took this "selfie" at the end of a hike around Jenny Lake, one of the most...
Inside Out
Do you sometimes find it difficult to understand your emotions … much less those of your teenager, spouse, coworkers or friends? Well, Disney and Pixar have...
I Believe in You!
My heart is glad every time I receive an email or phone call from my dear friend, Mart Green. It’s partly because he’s always praising God for how he’s moving...
Blending Hard Skills and Soft Skills in Europe
Paul is the pastor of a church and a professor at a seminary in Central Europe … yet he is struggling to forgive a former elder who turned on him three years...
Battleground Europe
I’m sending this post from Wisla, Poland, where Chip Zimmer and I are teaching at the European Leadership Forum. ELF has gathered 700 evangelical leaders from...